Why losing my Mom, made me need my Daughter.
Growing up, It was just Me and Mom.
She was a single mother my whole life! Both, Mom and Dad! And, let me tell you she was amazing at both jobs… From, teaching me Red Lipstick wasn’t a good color on me, (still true!) to how to change a tire. I can honestly say that I never felt like I was missing anything, and I was truly blessed!! (I mean she had a pretty great kid too, let’s not forget!)
But, after a long (& some days not so pretty) battle with Cancer, I lost that amazing, strong women, and she was my Best Friend!! Maybe, that’s because it was just always us, maybe it was because of the amazing mother she was… either way, that’s how it was! I told her EVERYTHING from boy drama, to friend problems, even called her once to tell her how mean the lady at the Mc’Donald’s drive through was! lol!
That woman devoted her entire life too me, and made me who I was…
When mom passed, something changed in me. I wasn’t the same person, I became angry, depressed, bitter, and I just felt lonely inside! I shut everyone (with the exception of my husband and kids) out! We packed our things and left town, I didn’t want to be there, I felt as though I had no reason to be somewhere if she wasn’t either! I played tough, and moved forward, but inside I was a mess! Even on my good days, I felt empty like something was missing!
The ONLY thing that kept me going was my boys, and husband! I knew it was the hole left from losing my mom, but I also knew that I could never fully feel whole again…
When we found out we where pregnant with my Daughter, my mind (after the shock of: there is gonna be three kids wore off) my mind instantly went to my momma! Going through what I had made me realize how special and valuable that “Mother/Daughter” relationship was. I prayed, and begged for a girl from that moment forward! I had never wanted a girl! I LOVED being a Boy Mom!!! I decided I didn’t want to know what we where having, I acted like I was really into the surprise game!! Really, what I think looking back, I wanted more time to pray for that girl!
And, on August 11th I got my beautiful, big 9lb baby girl!! The pregnancy was a rough one, I was miserable for the whole nine months! The day our daughter was born, they handed her too me, and I instantly looked over at my husband, and said:
“I don’t know how to explain it, but I just feel complete!!”
See, I knew something was missing, but what I didn’t know was that, that little girl would be what was able to complete me, make me feel whole again! It might sound a bit silly, but I often in the back of my mind have this feeling of knowing my mom sent me this girl- even now mom still always knows what I need most, and when!
This past year, has been different, I’ve been different! I love all the pink, the bows, the cute clothes…ect… But, what I love the most, is how complete I feel inside! I love the bond we had from the start! (I could tell you about a really funny story of the time I tried to leave the house without her when she’s was a month old to go to target, and my husband called before I walked in, because she was screaming, only to stop when I got home and picked her up!! HaHa!!) I love that this big, sassy girl has given my husband and I many times to say: “ Mom, would love her!” Or “She gets that curly hair from mom.”
My Daughter, has not only completed our family, but she’s completed me!! She filled that hole I felt I’d always live with! I miss my momma, every single day! But, I take complete comfort in knowing she’s watching over me, in my “Mother/Daughter” relationship, guiding me, and watching us grow!
I needed my Daughter more than I even knew…
With Love and Coffee,