What I Learned: Growing Up with a Single Mother

” Being a Single Mother is twice the Work, twice the Stress and twice the Tears… But it’s also, twice the Hugs, twice the Love and twice the Pride. “

My whole life, it was just Mom and Me! She was always a Single Mother. And, what I learned from this, is something only a Single Mother could truly understand.

 

When I was young, my mother tried to have a social life. She tried to have friends, she tried to even date some. See I say “tried” because, being the little angel I clearly was: I could not allow this, I had to have Mommy all to myself. And, I was too young to know or understand the effect it could, and would have on my Mom. If mom was gone, I would act out, in a ridiculous manner. I would color on the walls, break things…her favorite things.. Just out right bad. And, so unfair to my mother. So, my mom stopped. She stopped going out, she stopped trying, she cut the whole “social” aspect out of her life. I later in life, learned the magnitude of this sacrifice as a single mother she made to devote her whole life to me.

I learned the Struggles a single mom faces…. Every single day. In most house holds there are two incomes, and if there is not, it was a choice that you where able to make. But, single mother’s don’t get this choice. It’s not even an option. Their income is the only income, the only means of survival for not only themselves but this person depending on them, and them alone. ( & if you’re like my mother, there is not even child support apart of the equation, and this is a whole extra level of stress.) ALL financial burden falls on you. Big bills, daily expenses, even down to how you can feed your children. In most cases these struggles are never-ending. And, that’s just one daily struggle, only financially.

I learned being a Single Mother can be lonely and often feel like you’re in exile from the rest of the world. When you spend every waking (…& sleeping) moment of your life devoted to a tiny human. social interaction is minimal at best. And, have you ever tried to talk to a child about your day? (IF I had to depend on my children for complete conversation I would absolutely lose my mind…before they where 10. ) There is no one there to vent too. No one to tell “How Karen, from HR is a Bitch!” or about “The guy who ran the red light and almost hit you on your way home. ” There is no one there on the bad days to hold you, and to tell you: “Everything is going to be Okay!” It can be very lonely being a Single Mother.

I learned that being a Single Mother, you don’t get any “alone time.” I know that can look a little contradictory to my last statement of being lonely, but this is different. This is those moments you get to run to the store to get away, get a break, get some alone time. Even this simple thing, most us moms need, is not even an option when you’re a Single Mother. There is no one there, no one at home to help, to just watch the kids for your mental break. Just the thought of having to take my children with me on every single trip that I went anywhere…. all the time.. is simply terrifying.

But, to be honest the most important thing I learned about Single Mothers, this their strength. The strength of a Single Mother is an Amazing thing. The strength it takes to get up everyday, and keep going, to give your all to someone else (who doesn’t even know what you’re doing.) who depends on you, and you alone. The strength it takes to carry all the burden, the struggles, the fear, the emotions, all on your own. For a person to  always put themselves last, and to genuinely be happy, and content with that, is an Amazing Women! This is what makes Single Mothers so special.   And, pretty Awesome.

I’ll be the first to testify to what an Amazing and Outstanding Mother, my Single Mom was. I never felt like I was “missing something” She taught me to fight, change a tire…& put on eye liner! But, I never saw her struggles, her worries, the bad days. She kept it all away from me, truly dealing with all this alone. It wasn’t until I was an adult, and much until I had my own children, that I truly saw it all for what it was, all the true sacrifices that were made for me. For my happiness for my wants and needs. She suffered in silence to keep me happy.  In her last years, her battle with Cancer I got the chance to be there for her fully like she was for me my whole life. And, Single Mothers endure so much they deserve so much more in return.
For all these reasons, and many more I am convinced there is a special place in Heaven for Single Mothers.

 

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With, Love and Coffee, Becca.

 

 

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